It’s been over six months of tease and denial in long term chastity with Goddess. We began over a year ago, but we experienced a lot of technical difficulties. Wearing a chastity cage for more than a few days is actually hard to do, even if someone else has the key. October last year, I think, we about figured it out.
At this moment, I can only remember one authorized orgasm this year, and it was about a month ago. Our rules around it are pretty simple. I’m not allowed to ask to cum, and even while unlocked I’m forbidden to wank.
That’s not to say I haven’t cum, but I wasn’t specifically allowed to. Goddess has this experiment she’s tried twice, where she has unlocked me to see what happens. She says it’s to see how long I can last with willpower and devotion alone, but somehow I think there’s more to it. She’s not very talkative about the subject.
No cumming, no asking, only teasing and denial
It’s been hard not asking. I used to wank almost every day, more as a stress relief than anything. Finding new outlets for stress has been a major project. Not being allowed to ask was my idea, if I’m honest. This is also kind of an experiment Goddess and I are both conducting to see what this kind of situation does to a person.
One thing that’s happened, and it was a magical moment. A few months back I was laying in bed trying to work up the energy to do laundry. Goddess text me she wanted to go out and do something, and she wanted some money. Instantly, I was constricted by the cage as my cock tried to get hard. I told her about this and her response was “this is what makes me think I should just keep you in chastity”.
Up until that moment, chastity had been, I think, mainly my own fantasy. It was a sexual adventure I wanted to try. Within that moment it all changed. We both became very aware it was now her desire as well, and for different reasons than my own.
How does long term chastity feel?
If you want to know how it feels, I think you should just try it with a keyholder you can trust. That said, I’ll try to explain a few of the key points about it.
The evolution of frustration in chastity
The sense of need and frustration changes over time. During the first week or two, I want nothing more than to wank, fuck, stroke, you name it. That dies off though, and settles down into like a low-burning frustration. It’s the kind of thing where my thoughts aren’t really about sex, but even just the hint of tease brings it back to a rising boil. After those two weeks Goddess could simply tell me she’s taking a shower, not even in a sexy way, and I’m instantly a pliable ball of frustration and need.
Until recently, I didn’t think there was another stage beyond that. There is, and I seem to be going through and learning about it now. My senses are heightened and my body aches for sensation. This is good and bad. I’ve noticed soft fabrics, massages, really any kind of touch, seems extremely amplified and even sexual. The bad side, and I’m not sure this is chastity-related, is I’ve noticed I smoke a lot more.
Needing to cum
I used to desire orgasms. That’s never gone away. It’s been close to a year and a half since I last had sex. Now… I’m experiencing a need. Don’t get me wrong, it’s my body lying to me. I know there isn’t any physical or even emotional need for it. But my body is very loud about it.
I encounter these fits of frustration, where my locked cock is all I can think about. I can’t stop fidgeting with the cage when this happens. There are mornings and nights I wake in this state, which are the worst. It’s a dream-like fugue of frustration where Maya and wanking are all I can think about. These states can last from minutes to an hour sometimes, where I just lay rolling around and writhing in bed.
There’s also the odd feeling of needing to pee. It’s not quite the same sensation, but very similar. That need haunts me day in and day out, every day. Sometimes it’s worse than others, but it’s always there.
Wanking in chastity
This one might not be what anybody would expect. Some time last summer Goddess communicated she had a fantasy. She wanted me to wear a dress and rub myself through panties, moaning like a woman, and then not cum. I was almost totally opposed to it. Her ideas have a way of circling me though, like sharks waiting to strike. That’s now become something of a reality.
You see, I have a rather strong vibrator. These days, enacting her fantasy has become the main way I “wank”. It’s very often. However, I don’t cum. I really just end up teasing myself and making the frustration worse. The feelings are physically and emotionally intense. It’s a slow-build to what starts to feel almost like wanking, yet much more passive. There’s no real way to increase or control the pleasure. I can cum this way, but only if I’m very lucky and determined. The result’s not even worth it. The cage constricts too much, and the feeling is so dampened it’s really just some cum squirting out. There’s none of the euphoria or pleasure I’d usually associate with wanking. It does nothing for my frustration either.
I think Goddess Maya has been using long term chastity, paired with training and subliminal meditations to help redefine my sexuality into something that suits her. I’m not an attractive person and I’m sure she has no sexual desires for me. We both enjoy our relationship nonetheless, and I feel like she’s been pushing me towards sexual acts and preferences she does enjoy. The overarching thing has been feminizing me. She brought it up many times over the course of last summer, and I had no interest.
Now, I have smooth, silky legs and a man helped spank me a few weeks ago. Both these things aroused me but in ways I didn’t expect. There’s nothing arousing to me about dressing as a woman. This is what fucks with me though: if I touch my own legs, especially during one of my fits of frustration my brain thinks I am touching a woman’s leg.
The safety of the cage
Over time, the emotional feelings around it have evolved. To be sure, it was originally very sexy and felt like a form of extreme bondage. These days, being unlocked from my cage feels like I forgot to put my shoes on or something. It just feels odd. It’s taken on some characteristics of a safety blanket as well. Without it, I feel lost. It’s not the cage, it’s what it represents and reminds me off. All of these things, from the frustrations to the “need to pee” feeling keep Goddess on my mind all the time, reminding me of the wonderful woman I belong to.
One might think these thoughts about her are primarily sexual. It’s true she’s the prime focus of all my sexual urges, but most of these thoughts are more platonic. All throughout the day I stop and wonder what she’s doing. I might step outside for a smoke and pull up a picture of her beautiful face on my phone. And I just swoon.
The chastity cage represents a bond, an understanding of devotion to her. Without her, I am a lost puppy or a rabid dog without self control or direction.