I know You’ve wanted to keep a record to show how our D/s relationship develops over time. Blogging here like this instead of emailing You might be a way to do that. It forces me out into the public to express my thoughts and feelings where anyone could read them. Scary and humiliating. These things shouldn’t be repressed and this way I can expressing myself without flooding Your inbox.
I’m curious what longer term denial would do to me. Part of me hopes You’ll lock me back in chastity without an orgasm at the end of this week. I’m wondering what it would feel like being denied for an unknown period, never knowing if or when You’ll release me. One thing I noticed in this previous month of chastity, once I’m this frustrated other means of pleasure become more interesting. I’m curious where that could lead.
During the holiday there were a few days I was so out of my mind I laid down in bed with the vibrator. I felt very dirty and degraded, because I was like moving my hips and squirming to try to get sensation. It just felt so humiliating, and at the same time, I felt compelled to do it. Doing that seemed to calm me down a little bit.
Like I’d do that for a while and give up on cumming, then go back to more productive things. One of the times I was doing it, I was on my knees in front of the screen watching You. I heard this weird smacking or splattering sound, and I looked down and saw a lot of semen had run out of me and was all over the floor. The weird thing was I felt no sensation from it. I don’t think it was any kind of orgasm because the only way I noticed was the sound of the semen splattering off the vibrator. I also wasn’t sensitive like I would be after even a ruined orgasm. I’m not sure what happened. I’m curious what an extended time of vibe-only would produce.
When I’m saying the vibe calmed me down, I actually mean something maybe like separation anxiety. Like, when I don’t see You for a while or can’t talk to You much I get like a separation anxiety. Being teased/frustrated seems to reduce it for some reason.
The urge I have to wank and cum right now is very strong, almost overbearing. What I keep doing is walking outside barefoot and smoking a cigarette on the porch. It seems like the cold shock calms me down and helps me remember Your needs come before mine, and this is all an experiment about my self control and ability to obey You.