Permanent Chastity, perhaps?

Permanent Chastity, perhaps?

Considering permanent chastity
80 days in chastity for Goddess Maya Loux

Permanent chastity has been a topic of discussion a bit lately. Maya has hinted at it a few times, and I’ve learned when she hints it’s something she wants. Today marks 80 days since the last time she made me cum, and I’ve spent most of the time locked since December. I asked her a while ago “how many times in a year should a perfectly behaved slave cum?”. She laughed and said “once, maybe on birthdays”. I was expecting something less cruel, like say once a month.

I’m going to make an effort to document all this so we’ve got something to look back on. It’s an experiment for both of us.

As time goes on I find myself being more thoughtful, energetic, and considerate as a person. Maya’s become the most important person in my life and I think about her constantly.Throughout the day I feel the cage on me, and every time it reminds me of her. It’s like a super-effective wedding ring. It’s constant. Using the bathroom, sitting, walking, running… all those things remind me of her. One might think these thoughts would be sexual, but they’re mostly not. I’m thinking about what she’s doing and how her day is, or like laughing about conversations and past events. Like right now, her vacuum cleaner is broken and I keep thinking about how to fix it or get a new one.

What it’s like

It’s like, for most of my life sex has been at the forefront of my mind. I don’t know if that’s normal or not, and perhaps I don’t care. Maya is changing me. Don’t get me wrong, the denial is very frustrating and sexual thoughts populate my head much more than normal, but the way I deal with them is different.

For one thing, I never realized how much an orgasm actually effects my mood. If I’m getting off regularly I turn into a total asshole, and it’s usually directed at the wrong people. It makes me lazy, bitter, and depressed. For some reason, my body still wants it though. Many times in the past I’ve cum and wound up hating Maya and dreaming up all these paranoid ideas about her. Objectively speaking, my life is better with her in control, regardless of those things I get upset about after I cum. I really think a lot of it’s just bullshit society has implanted.

This started as my fetish or fantasy. At this point, I think it’s more her’s, and I’m happy about that. Just for example, I’ve always had a bit of a foot fetish. At this point, Maya’s feet are tools of torment. She’s addicted me to them so thoroughly all she has to do is mention she’s walking and my caged dick get’s hard. Let me tell you, an attempted erection in chastity is not comfortable. She can literally inflict physical discomfort by just telling me she’s walking to the store. The other facet, is now whenever I see any woman’s feet, I think of Maya.

Coping with Frustration

Long term chastity or permanent chastity is a lot about coping with frustration and learning to love it. I think there’s basically two streets here. One is about just learning not to think about sex, the other is about letting it consume you.

I’ve tried the not thinking about sex route. It might sound noble or monkish, but for me it doesn’t really work. If I just push down or ignore how I feel it’s almost the same as orgasm aftermath. I get despondent, feel something like neglect, and fade into depression. If I embrace frustration as a state of being, it’s like an infinite well of energy which in turn comes with difficulty concentrating. Ruined orgasms help with the concentration, but they throw me into the “despondent, bad” loop for a couple hours. To be really honest, that’s an acceptable trade-off for me, but I don’t really know how Maya feels about it. She seems to view ruined orgasms should not be related to her. She’s always right, but I would feel honoured and really thankful if she’d allow me to ruin them with her. Like… that type of situation where she let’s me think I might be allowed to cum but she ruins it at the end, or forces a bunch of ruined orgasms.

It’s not really about sex. It’s about serving her and worshipping her. Like, those ideas of serving and worshipping used to be fantasies in broad strokes. The idea was hot for me and fun to wank to. The reality is much different, but I’ll say better.

About release… is release from chastity the goal?

Yes and no. Release from permanent chastity is almost like a mental death sentence, but also a reaffirmation of vows and a carrot on a stick. On one hand, I can see objectively how serving Maya and remaining chaste benefits both our lives. The “our” part of that is the most important. My body and reptile brain are obsessed with cumming, so my body converts frustration into energy. My body and reptile brain also hold the misbelief an orgasm is a good idea, so the fact Maya controls if and when that happens is a good thing.

For me, an orgasm and reaffirmation that I wish her to be in control like this would be an expression of love and trust. At the same time, if she actually allowed me to cum often, I’d just be a shithead person (more than I already am) and everyone around me would probably suffer, myself included.

Knife at the throat

Have you ever been in a life or death situation?ย  I’ve been in several. It’s like sky diving or being shot at. Maya has a knife at my throat, and I like it there. It’s like “how did I ever play the game of Life before Maya?”

She and I are attached, and only she can end it. I’d have it no other way. I mean, there are various ways I could end it like bolt cutters or lots of whiskey, but it would be the end of me, no matter how it went down.

I honestly think women should be locking up all the men around them. It would be good for society and humanity.

80 days was actually yesterday. I fell asleep before publishing this.

Author: mayasblade

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