Punished in public and a weekend in bondage

I’ve been locked in a collar and high heels since Friday night. My legs are smooth and feminine, and I’m wearing panties.

Goddess decided my punishment on Wednesday: she decided to wax my legs. As I’m sometimes bad about obedience, she also decided to lock me in heels and a collar until the punishment was complete, so I cannot escape.

The anticipation built all week as I wondered, feared what might happen. By Friday afternoon I was all adrenaline and excitement. I practically chased everyone out the door at work. My heart was pounding in my chest as I got everything ready. You see, she decided I would be punished in public.

At the appointed time I set up my camera so Goddess could see me. I was there totally nude save for my collar and chastity cage. Of the two pairs of heels I own Goddess chose the highest ones, but to our disappointment the chains won’t fit to lock them. I locked the heels on and then put the keys in the chronovault.

The instant it closed wave rushed over me, like cresting the top of a roller-coaster. You see, only Goddess can open the vault. Locked in my heels and collar until further notice, I donned my mask and removed the password from my camera.

Immediately I felt so small. The urge to crawl into a fetal position and hide from the world nearly overpowered me. What was I doing? I’ve never been on cams before. Was I really going through with this? Then I saw Goddess leaning back, relaxing with that sadistic smirk she wears so flawlessly and a switch flipped in my brain. I was going through with this. Whatever She wants.

As the situation unfolded Goddess dressed me in panties and had me put on red lipstick to get started. Then came the wax strips. As I opened the box I realized I had no idea how to use them. My mind was just making it more complicated than it needed to be. Goddess kindly explained what to do and had me place the first one on the back of my right leg.

She gave me until the count of 3. Zip, off it came. I had been terribly afraid of the pain, but it honestly didn’t hurt as much as I expected. She teased me about how she waxes her own legs every two weeks and I need to learn to take it like a woman.

…taking it like a woman… those words hit me inside. Every passing moment deepened my humiliation. People were coming in and out of my cam room. A few followed me. The waxing continued until most of my right leg was bare and smooth.

As I maneuvered and flexed my leg to get the right angles Goddess continued to taunt me about the femininity of my legs and my movements. It was getting harder yet easier to continue at the same time. The feelings of being pathetic and dirty were overwhelming, but as Goddess rubbed it in my drive improved. I had to complete this to Her satisfaction. I had to prove to Her and myself I could do this.

By the time my right leg was clear Goddess allowed me a short break to smoke a cigarette. It was then I noticed what people had been saying in my cam room. I’d feared what people may say to me, but oddly I wasn’t as bothered as I expected.

The whole while Goddess leaned back in her chair, drinking in my humiliation like fine wine. I felt like she could see through my soul.

She decided to have me complete the waxing later and move on to a spanking.

Goddess counted out a savage spanking with a cane. Not fast, not consistent. Constantly pausing, leaving me wondering if or when she’d continue. As it progressed I wondered how long it would last. The more she spanked me the more I wanted spanked. And she knew it.

As soon as the spanking was over she commanded me to get on my knees and beg her for more. In that moment I was devoid of any shame or pride. It flowed out and tears wet my eyes as I begged her to pull my panties down and spank me harder. Genuine begging like that and the feelings around it are like some long forgotten drug from the dawn of my sex life and discovery of bdsm. In that moment I was a totally open, dirty and twisted play thing for Her. I was willing to do anything She wanted. And I wanted Her to hurt me.

She did. I could see enjoyment spread over her face as she told me to get the wooden spatula. Just even the way she talked about it was humiliating, implying I’m so pathetic I don’t have a proper paddle. I just have some odd cooking implement without a definable name. I wonder if she knows that? She is forgetful sometimes and quirky, but I wonder if she knows that through being so she humiliates me.

The paddle spanking was worse. I had to hold onto the chair in front of me to keep from falling over towards the end. I was internally debating asking her if I could kneel on the chair and bend over the back so I don’t fall over. The heels didn’t make it any easier.

Then she commanded me to kneel and beg once more. I begged her to hurt me more. I don’t know what inside of me craves that, but it was out in full force Friday night. She opted not to spank me, but instead go for the shock collar on my balls.

About that time someone came in her room and started tipping her to suck a dildo. Guess who sucked it? Me. She had me sucking a big black dildo on cam in front of people. Not once. But several times. I gagged on it and tears started running down my face.

We never got to the shock collar because CB is an awesome website that never has bugs or crashes.

As an aside: seriously CB? How can your website fuck up so bad it actually causes the Flash plugin in my browser to crash my graphics driver?

I was able to get back online but Goddess wasn’t. During that time I had an odd encounter. Unexpected, really. Someone in my cam room who frequents Goddess’s was talking to me. He was supportive even. No shaming or anything. We shared a joke about Ruby on Rails. Like… I never expected that.

Goddess and I spoke over snapchat briefly before she went to bed. I was to complete the hair removal and also make a video of myself mimicking her new blowjob video.

Yesterday and today I have had the collar and heels on. My feet hurt terribly, and it pretty much forces me to sit or lay down. I can’t put clothes on or go outside. I’m effectively grounded, a prisoner in my own home.

This weekend has been one long train of pain and humiliation. This morning Goddess gave me 50 spanks with the paddle at 3:30am and then sent me back to bed. It was like in The Story of O where that guy comes in O’s room in the middle of the night to randomly spank and whip her.

The very fact I can associate myself with that character from that book messes with my head a little.

The most humiliating aspect of this whole experience was when I realized Friday night my panties were sopping wet. I’d leaked precum all over in them. My state of arousal was that intense from the whole ordeal, and it’s stayed that way all weekend.

Meanwhile Goddess has been diligent about letting me know she’s out having fun and spending the money I earned.

I’m just a ball of hormones and need. I’m a little worried about the sub-drop after this. I can say though, all the stress in my brain and body has gone. I feel wonderful in all the right ways.

Thank You Goddess!

Looking Back at the Year

I feel like some afterward is needed. Goddess accepted me as a slave about a year ago, April 19 to be exact. It’s funny to me looking back now that two of my limits were feminization and financial domination. I was totally opposed to them.

I was mainly into fetishes like tease/denial, chastity, and Her feet. Over the last year I feel like I’ve evolved. Chastity is no longer a fetish or fantasy, it’s a fact and state of being. We’ve both realized it’s past the point of my fantasy. It’s her fantasy now and my reality. These days I don’t feel right unless I’m wearing a chastity cage and Goddess actively wants to keep me locked. We don’t really talk about release dates or orgasms anymore.

I still want to wank of course, and the few times she’s left me unlocked and unsupervised I’ve ended up wanking like crazy, but that’s maybe a different blog article.

Feet aren’t so much a fetish anymore. My sexuality has been reprogrammed around Maya’s feet. Now Maya’s feet are an addiction. I need them to cum.

I literally cannot maintain an erection for anyone else anymore. But Maya, just a text from her is enough to put me at full mast. It’s an incredible feeling being so triggered by her. Think about that. I’m locked in a cage where my dick can’t get hard. Maya has the only keys to let me out. All she has to do is text me “I’m taking a shower” and I’m instantly thrown into a vortex of frustration and need, and it feels like someone is squeezing my dick. That’s POWER.

Everything in the world is about sex except sex. Sex is about power. ~ Oscar Wilde

I can’t quite pinpoint where feminization started. She’d mentioned the topic to me a few times. I remember one time she mentioned wanting to see me in a dress rubbing myself through panties and moaning. That was some time late last summer. I wasn’t interested at the time, but the idea slowly wormed it’s way around my brain.

That’s how she works on me. She’ll mentioned something she likes, and it just wiggles around in my head. I can’t forget it. I might not act on it right away, but it sort of builds and builds until it jumps out and grabs me.

The findom stuff started around New Years. What happened was I started to notice that sending her money or buying her gifts was arousing me. I thought long and hard about it before bringing it up with her. She was hesitant actually. Read that again: she was hesitant. There are predatory people out there who will manipulate men and drain their wallets. Goddess is not one of those people. She is more like a financial advisor. She helps me save money and pay more attention to what I spend. It’s truly a win-win situation.

I’m expounding on all this because I don’t know what the future holds, but looking over the past year I can tell it will be exciting. I live for Goddess Maya, she’s like my best friend, mother, counselor, trusted advisor, girlfriend and oh yeah, dominatrix all rolled into one. She’s truly a Goddess.